The End Of Our Chapter

At some point of your life, you will become aware that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. 

That you cannot fly with broken wings and you cannot love with broken heart..

And even if trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew,

And erasing yourself from somebody’s life is not as simple as walking out the door..

You just have to try..

Holding on is tough. Much tougher than letting go or simply quitting.

It may take a long time but it will get better.. 

You just have to go through the pain before you have the strength to see the sunshine.

It may take a long time..

It may take a long time..

But please make it easy, 

Don't be too harsh on me heart..

Don't be too harsh on me.

hmm..

"Sometimes you have to smile and pretend 

everything's okay. Hold back the tears, and 

just walk away.."

Half A Year and Counting

they say when your relationship hits the sixth months mark,

it'll be tough, yet stable perhaps.

today, me and nemo reaches that mark together.

it had been tough,

it had been sweet,

it had been bitter.

all in all,

it had been the best six months of my life.

i really want to write longer

but the feelings cant be written by words.

all i know,

now i know,

that this is love.

because i love you, that's why.

broken

i am tired.

of being strong when i am not

of being strong when you should be stronger

of lying to myself that you would care

of comforting myself when i have someone to do it for me

i am tired.

i give up.

shattered

did you really not see me broken inside?

did you really not know how to cheer me up?

how did you know?

you never tried.

to me, you never tried.

all this time, i was broken

when i see you,

i see hope

and now?

huhhh what hope?

if you cant cheer me up, who can?

i am tired of being strong

i am not strong

and sometimes i just need someone to lift me up

and tell me he's there

stronger than me

just stronger than me.

i am the girl

dont i deserve to get at least one pujukan from you?

am i not your baby?

arent you supposed to know me best?

am i not the one you love  the most?

shouldnt you know how to handle my feelings

better than anyone else?

i am shattered

my baby doesnt know me

i am never worth it

APA SALAH LU?

if you think these past few days aku mengamuk tak layan orang

diam and masam muka kat kau

sebab aku marah kat naim and effect to orang lain,

kau salah ah brader.

aku takkan marah kat orang yang tak buat salah

aku takkan melenting kat kau kalau kau tak salah.

ada salah kau.

boleh je aku cakap.

tapi aku malas.

kang kau takleh terima, aku gak yang kena pujuk

kau ingat kau je lah yang frust?

"Apa salah gua?"

ni ha salah lu:

KAU TAKDE MANNERS LAH SIAL

bukan sekali kau buat aku frustrated dengan perangai kau yang tak kena tempat.

ada gak ah aku rasa cam nak bagi kaki -.-

well at first aku marah sebab
kau boleh terperap dalam bilik
time kat rumah aku.
orang tengah ramai lah weh.
kau anak dara.
aku bukan nak kau tolong angkat barang or anything
bukan nak kau socialize dengan family aku sangat pun
just tunjuk muka once in a while
tanya if there is anything you can do
and after that hilang lah balik
kau dengar rancak kat dapur
keluar lah tunjuk muka.
bukan susah pun
kau terperap dalam bilik camtu
aku pun malu kalau kau anak aku.

lepas tu, aku burst masa after balik pantai
aku penat shala lah sial
pastu basuh baju dengan kau
penuh satu machine.
okay fine lah ada baju aku jugak
then bila dah habis,
aku sidai semaua sebab kau basuh skirt kau ke apa tah
then aku penat aku nak tido
then kau mengada mintak tolong aku
teman kau pergi toilet
amik skirt kau kejap
bodoh lah.
benda tu tak sampai 3 minit pun oh
takyah nak dramatic sangat lah pengecut.

then the next day
aku balik from class
tengok kat tempat aku sidai baju
tinggal baju aku je -.-
LOL weh, LOL
takkan tolong angkat pun tak boleh?
bukan suruh lipat ke apa pun
tolong angkat je
selfish sial kau
serious -.-

p/s: kau nyanyi tak sedap. and lagi kuat dari aku. so shut up.

Presence

he was worried

that i didn't eat for the week

i was worried that he couldn't eat

as much as he wants for the week

but i told him

it's a sacrifice we had to make

just so that we can meet

and spend a day together

and on the night before we planned to meet

we fought

thanks to my insecurities

thanks to my stupidity

thanks to my keras kepala

and we make up again early that morning

thanks to his tolerance

thanks to his patience

thanks to him, being him :)

and when we finally meet

when i felt his presence so close to me

it was a relief

there nothing more calming

than to know your significance is right next to you

than to know he is there to make you smile

than to know he is with you for the whole day

just to you

just for you

we talked, we walked together

we went to the movies, we eat. a lot :)

*highlight* WE HAD ICECREAM :P

and for the first time

i felt really happy

when i looked into someone's eyes

staring at his face, his eyes

gave me complete solace

poured me with happiness

but deep down inside

i am somehow sad, and scared

because i know it will only last for the day

i am gonna have to leave him soon

but i brushed the thoughts away

and cherish the minutes we have left,

so that it'll give me comfort when we were separated

and when the time comes

when we had to go

we had to walk away from each other

i felt so sad

i missed him even though we just met

i missed him already

even if he is still in front of me

when we say good bye

i was about to cry

but i held it in

and inhaled his scent

hoping it would stay with me

when he is no longer there

and when he's gone

gone from where i can see him

gone from where i can sense his presence

i cried out

longing for him to come back

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

even now i still miss him

sayang,

thanks for the day

you made it nice, you made it perfect

i miss you.

i miss you a lot

till next time.

i love you <3

p.s; the sacrifices were worth it :)

That Moment

 "i don't know how i should explain this.

but when you meet the person for you,

you will know.

like, say, you are thinking about him,

and few seconds later he calls or text.

it's almost like, somehow, your hearts connect

to one another" -IBU

*yes. ibu gave a love lecture to me and kaksha :O*

: : in biology class : :

"apical meristem exists at the shoot and the roots

it functions as growth region of the plant.

the apical meristem......" and the voice fades awayyy

hahaha and my mind fell into another place

i was thinking of him

so i took out my phone

and started to type a text.

*hey, i miss you, sayang*

SEND.

Service Unavailable.

shit. lab bio takde coverage :'(

bila dah ada line,

1 TEXT MESSAGE

from Ayim :3

woi.

terus teringat apa ibu cakap.

it freaks me out

it's true, what she said

our hearts, somehow, connect to one another

two souls with but one single thoughts

two hearts that beat as one <3

true love, maybe? 

:') hmm perhaps perhaps

*Amin*

and so today we hit the one month mark

hey, look, big achievement for izzy :D

hahah LOL

i am grateful i have someone

who didn't leave

no matter how many times i pushed him away

i am lucky to have someone

who didn't give up

no matter how many times i break him

and i am thankful to have a man

that tries his best to lift my hopes back up

when i see no solutions left.

most of all,

i am happy that i have a wolf

that loves me with all his heart

no matter how many times i doubt him :)

just looking into your eyes make me smile

your smile makes me want to fly

your voice makes me feel like i'm in cloud nine,

your laughs calms me down,

just being with you feels like falling in love,

again and again :)

Ya Allah,

if he is the one You destined for me,

ease our way to Your path of blessings

if he is not, *sobs sobs*

please ease our hearts away from hate

and may You prepare someone better for him.

and i believe You are the Most Knowing of all :)

happy first month together, sayang

May we stay stronger together :)

Learning :')

fights, and tears in relationship is normal

kalau tak gaduh,

camne nak faham each other?

kalau tak merajuk,

camne nak manja?

kalau tak sedih,

how would we recognize happiness?

yeah. agreed.

but.. hmmm

isn't yesterday too much?

*yes, i fought again with nemo*

#immature izzy is immature.

i don't know.

maybe i am that hard to handle

i have to force myself to grow up, eh?

asyik susahkan nemo je

asyik emo je :(

pastu nangis macam budak kecik

#stupid izzy is stupid

if you are reading this sayang,

*muahh* there's a kiss for you

and an apology.

i am sorry

sorry that i am so hard to handle

sorry that i am so hard to understand

sorry that i am so hard to deal with

sorry i made things so hard for you

sorry i am a great burden

sorry i am not a good girl

sorry i make things bigger

sorry i cannot deal with my emoshit

#emo izzy is emo

but hey, one thing i promise you

is that we will figure it out

together,

no matter how hard it

no matter how crazy it gets

no matter how hard i have to try

i will.

i won't walk away

i wont give up :)

#determined izzy is determined

you are too precious to let go

you are too perfect to be mad at

i love you too much

i miss you too much

maybe i get paranoid sometimes

i get childish all the time sometimes

but please tolerate me

just hold on, sekejap?

i am learning

i am trying so hard

to improve this, myself, us.

and i promise you

when i grow up

things will get better

you will no longer needed

to deal with budak kecik

yang banyak songeh :P

you wont have to deal with the pain anymore

i can promise you that

just tunggu kejap

and let me figure this out

and in time,

do know that i love you

i miss you

i like you

i want you

i will never let this go

and may we stay together

forever :)

amin :)

Lovestruck

i admit

i have been fooling around

with some guys to fix the heartbreak

and got myself hurt again

guess what?

i was never hurt AGAIN

it was never fixed

and that three months gap after the last guy,

was filled with me trying to pick up

the pieces of my heart,

glue them together

fix them, and encourage them to love again

yes, it was hard

super hard.

everyone can see how disturbed i was

emoshit was seriously out of control

i managed to rearrange the broken pieces

but it's fragile

there's no glue to it

there's nothing to make it stronger

it was hard to remain strong

i held them together

hoping that someone would

bring the gam gajah

and make them stronger than ever

and in the darkness of the night,

i would roll into a ball

silently wishing for one person

to come and and tell that everything is gonna be fine

one person,

one and only

HIM

and now that the prayers are answered.

hit with unreal words,

the bliss left me in wonder

is this real?

is this true?

how long can we last?

oh yes, i do hope for as long as we could

we promised we'll be together

through thick and thin

we'll work things out if anything goes wrong

the best kind of love is the kind

that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more.

but i am in fear.

i am afraid.

i want to reach for more

but i am terrified.

scared that i might screw up

scared that i might hurt myself again

afraid that i will lose him in the next step

and most of all,

terrified that i will hurt him

look, i love him no doubt

i want to stay with him as long as i live

and i want this to be the best

yes, you may have seen this sentence

in a lot of other posts of mine

but this is different

you should see how he changed me

i am a lot merrier

i am a lot happier

i am no longer the person that smiles

just to hide the pain

 i am no longer the girl

who plays all the time

just to forget how broken the heart is

this is purely love

nemo,

please have trust in me

i'll try to be the best thing ever happened to you

just like how you were the light

when the darkness surrounds me

i love you.

your childish, immature girlfriend,

Izzaty Shaima

mirthful :)

yes, i am mirthful

which is the synonym of blessed, happy, delighted,

gleeful, joy, pleased, pleasant, et cetera :)

the question here is,

WHY?why am i happy?

(LOL that sounds like Dr Alinur)

the answer is,

*drumroll*

because i finally have someone who i can hold on to

a real shoulder that i can cry on

ears that can listen to my nags and babbles

eyes that will look at me

and think that they're lucky to have me.

lol that came out vain.

hands that will hold mine

and a heart that loves me as much

okay i know jiwang

but i can't help it

hahahah :P

i finally know that i won't be hurt

i finally feel that i am loved

as much as i love him.

we have the same family planning (haha)

same thinking, same feelings, same experience

although different in a lot of things.

but somehow, i know that we are complete

it's not that his perfection completes my flaws,

and his flaws covered by my strength.

it's just that i can tolerate his weakness

and he can accept mine

that is how we complete each other.

no, complete the relationship between us

but oh yes, we are still learning

about us, about love

about life :)

and the day when i get the ring will come

and that time, insyaAllah

we are a perfect unit :)

pray for us :)

Ameen~

Young Inside

NO

this is not a post about me

being vain about how young i look.

hahahaha well maybe a bit :P

it's a post about how i am

as a human being.

as a girl

as a daughter

as a friend

as a student

as a lover

(yes, i am a lover. deal with it.
i have a boyfriend. be jealous :3)

and how hard it is to be a good person

when it's too hard to behave my age

i am EIGHTEEN this year

yes, a freakin eighteen lady

well, i have always waited

to be lapan belas.

no longer budak bawah umur.

can already watch eighteen movies

without worrying about getting caught

hahaha lol.

but when i masuk asasi,
i behaved like i always do in form 5
but the teachers don't like it
they say i'm too immature
i need to grow up
but in form five they told me i'm mature for my age
i dont understand how ONE year difference
brings so much growing up
okay sir, i'll try to grow up
-..-

i am kidding
i dont wanna grow up!
#full stop#

and yesterday hanisah told me to be mature.
okay i know gaduh buat muka with junior mcm budak2
but i cant help it
thats what i do.
that is how i always behaved
please don't make me act like who i am not
this is my way of living
i like to fool around
i like to be childish
i hate taking things seriously
if you don't like it, leave

and semalam ada merajuk with nemo sekejap
:3 yes, tau. mengada
biar lah. nak manja :D
but i think i should not do it that often
he might get sick of it
macam budak2 kan?
haihh but again
i cant change. well, maybe not yet.
sorry syg. i'll try not to be budak2 :)

but if you're fine with it,
READ THIS:

i am eighteen. but i have a mental aged TEN
beware of excessive fooling, playing, teasing
joking at serious times
and sometimes, maybe
blurting of unreal stupid thoughts
also be prepared to get confused
hahah :D

just gimme some time
i'll try to be more mature
like an eighteen years old
in you guys punya definition -..-

but if i failed
please understand
that is how i get a life :3

Madly In Love

there is this guy who put my header on his twitter post.

hahahahaha. okay i was shocked :O

didnt think he would read my blog :3

since it's full of gibberish english :P

and also it's filled with a lot of guys who i tend to fall to.

i dont want him to read it.

he might not like it :/

i like him.

i had like, the biggest crush on him

since last year :D

hahaha so i dont want him

to read my blog and thinks i am a playgirl

or something like that.

just so you know.

i didnt want to fall for them.

maybe i just wanted to feel loved?

just to have someone that i can hold on to

just to have someone to care about me.

that i ended up getting hurt.

again and again

and though i know i am getting hurt again,

i dont know why i seek for love

and believed those jerks so easily

stupid me ay?

thats why i became very cautious when it comes to you

its not that i dont believe you

its not that i think youre gnna hurt me

but i think my heart is scared.

but you managed to take my heart anyways.

again, not fair :3

dont leave. please?

i wuv you :D

you. yeah you.

the one who put my header on your twitter post.

seriously?

stalker :D hahahaah

and you didnt even tell me you read my blog :P

not fair :D hahaha

you made me maluuuu.

i have been talking craps in here :D

and what do you mean by i had a bad past?

hahahaha

here is a confession.

i am immature,

i do random, crazy things

at random time.

at any random place. when i feel like it :P

and i dont need someone who is mature to tell me i am wrong

i need someone that can ride my immaturity

and understands me maturely.

and i guess, finally

i found one :)

yes, i am madly in love with you :D